Monday, January 19, 2009

Uneventful date

This past weekend I had my first date since I've started writing in this journal. It was with a guy I'd just met online. I hadn't wanted to meet right away, but he was pushy about it, so I agreed to have lunch with him. It was pretty lackluster. As it usually is when I barely know someone, I could barely keep eye contact, and I felt like he was staring at me the entire time. And I definitely didn't have any chemistry with him. It was a free meal, at least. But overall, my first date in months was pretty mediocre. At least I tried though. I had to start somewhere.

I actually even got online yesterday and told Will about it. We hung out last week--he came over. I went down on him...and it was kind of weird after. After he came, he kind of rolled over and put his arms around me. Sometimes he'll do that before we do anything, but not usually after. We kind of cuddled for a few minutes, then he put on his boxers, and we kept watching DVDs. That was pretty normal. But the whole snuggling after was a little odd. And when he left, I felt like he was going to hug me, but I kind of walked towards the door, and he backed off a bit.

However, he didn't seem weirded out when I told him about my date, so hopefully that other stuff doesn't mean anything. I know I've said this before, but again, I'm probably overanalyzing things because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Oh yeah, but one other thing--Will asked what I was doing the next few weekends. Again, not sure why. He's starting a new job, so that'll be his only time off, maybe he wants to limit things to the weekend. Lately we've only been doing stuff during the week, since I make it known to him that I'm very busy on weekends. And I am. I have a pretty active social life, but I don't go out much during the week, so that's when Will and I have been hanging out.

But how bad is this...when I was on the date, I immediately thought the guy was much less attractive than Will...not to mention overweight, and Will is definitely not that. Sleeping with Will is kind of spoiling me...unfortunately for me and for any guy I'm trying to date, Will is slim and very of course I feel like any guy I date has got to be just as or more attractive than Will.

Mike talked to me today...saying he wanted to watch more of a show I apparently got him hooked on the last time we hung out (which I also showed to Will the last time we hung out) wonder if I'll be seeing him anytime soon. At least he's a good kisser...Will and I haven't really been kissing lately...he's a great kisser, but it was just a bit lately we've been skipping it. So maybe I will hang out with Mike....who knows.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

More shopping with Will

So it's January. I realize that mine and Will's non-relationship has lasted longer than our actual relationship did. I don't know what that says about me. Or him.

Yesterday we went to a couple of "stripper stores" to look for outfits. Okay, can I just say how weird that is? He actually suggested it. I think it was weirder for me than it was for him. We didn't get anything. It's obviously been awhile since the last outfit was purchased, so I can tell he's getting anxious, especially since I think he's seen all of my corsets and bustiers. We've already picked out some new shoes. I think he'd actually buy them for me, but I have got to throw down some cash for some sort of new outfit. The problem is that I really find it difficult to spend money on things that are only for him, since we're not in any sort of relationship. I mean, man, if he would have told me he was into this kind of thing when we would have been dating, I would have been all over that. But Will's happiness isn't really a priority for me. And I still can't believe he never brought this up while we were dating.

But oh, last night after we got back from our shopping...the sex continues to be so good. I came kind of quickly, since it'd been awhile since we'd had sex, but still he came right after I did. If I get off first, he always immediately comes after me. It's really nice. I enjoy the fact that he gets off just from me getting off...Liam was like that too. I guess it's particularly satisfying with Will though, because I still think he is genuinely disappointed if I don't get off. And I don't like to disappoint!

We hung out for quite awhile afterwards too. I'm not even sure why. I mean, it was Friday night and everything. I already have plans tonight (and Aaron is going to be there--I get to see him with his rail-thin blonde girlfriend who hates me for obvious reasons, blech), so I didn't mind staying in...can't go out every night. Will also apparently had a lackluster New Year's Eve, and he had to listen to me talk about the amazingly fun party I attended. (However, I did not tell him about the sexy guy I was kissing there...again, like the thing with Jacob, I think I needed some affection.)

Now that all the holiday craziness is dying down, I wonder if it's time for me to actually start finding a guy to actually date. Between all the stuff with Will and Liam plus the holiday season, I had been too busy to date. Of course, there's still the trouble of actually finding, I just hope whoever I end up finding is as good in bed as Will.