Liam and Will

Alright, so a few months ago, Will started talking to me again. We didn't stay friends after we dated, so I was wondering why he decided to suddenly reconnect with me. We had some casual conversations via Facebook. Then one night he called me, for no reason at all. He never did that when we were seeing each other, but it wasn't unpleasant.

He went to the Beijing Olympics. He called me on the day he got back, asking for a ride home from the airport. I was a bit surprised, but I figured someone else had flaked out on him, and I am actually a logical choice to do this, since I live very close to the airport. We talked on the ride back to his house. I pretended not to remember the way, even though I did. When we got there, I said goodbye, but he invited me in. He said he didn't want to fall asleep right away and mess up his sleep cycle, so he could be normal at work the next day. I wondered if something was up, but I went along with it. We watched DVDs of 30 Rock. After watching a few episodes in the living room, he asked me if I wanted to watch more upstairs. In his room. He wasn't hitting on me though, so again, I went along with it. After watching a few more episodes, he went to put his arm around me. I immediately called him on it, naturally. He explained that well, sometimes he got lonely. Translation: he hasn't gotten laid in AGES. (Well, at least that's what I figured he meant.) I kind of freaked out and didn't do anything. I said I wasn't really feeling it, and I left.

You see, Liam was visiting in two weeks. And at the time, I had a major crush on him. We were getting along great in our email banter, and well, if I can fuck someone that I am romantically interested in, I'd much rather do that than sleep with someone I'm not. Then I thought, "Hmm, Liam is going to leave after he visits, and I have no idea when he'll return. I'm not even remotely interested in anyone I know. After Liam leaves, I might not get laid for a REALLY LONG TIME." So I sent Will a message saying that I may have reconsidered, but we could talk later. I'd already told him I had Liam visiting for a week, but I didn't tell him Liam and I were sleeping together.

So, Liam arrived to stay with me for a week (last week). The first night was amazing, and we came at the same time, which is almost impossible for me. I was so happy. Things were great. Then on Thursday, he went out, and I didn't come along. I didn't mind that, but when he got back, he was wide awake, and I was tired. He said he wanted to stay up late, and I told him to come to bed when he felt like it, not to worry about waking me up. I woke up to him sleeping on the couch. I was a little upset. On Friday, he had all these things he wanted to get done...during rush hour. I said I didn't mind, but that we were going to have to deal with a ton of traffic. This shouldn't have annoyed him so much, since I was the one driving, but he was in a really pissy mood, and there was nothing I could do or say to get him not to be in a bad mood. Which in turn ticked me off, because it was finally the weekend, and I was ready to relax and have fun. After we had dinner, he was really tired, but I was wide awake. I said I was going to go to my room and invited him to join me. He replied that he was just going to crash. At that point, I was really pissed off. What the hell? He's not putting out for a second night in a row? Not to mention that he was going out to lunch the following day, and he'd already informed me that I wasn't invited.

Last Saturday was absolutely miserable. It was his last full day here, and again, he went and did things all day, and I stayed home. When he got back, he wanted to watch a bad movie. Okay, one of the things that I didn't expect from him that I hated was that he really loves cheesy Hollywood blockbusters. We are talking seriously bad movies here. Like, straight-to-DVD movies, movies they show on Saturday nights on cable, movies that nobody should be watching, because they should be out and about. I watched it with him, and I kept getting up to go to the computer during commercials, because it was all I could do to keep from screaming, "I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE WATCHING A FUCKING QUEEN LATIFAH MOVIE!!!" After the movie, I changed it to Saturday Night Live, since it was a new episode, and sexy James Franco was hosting. Liam, however, did not care for SNL, proclaiming it bad and unfunny. (Yes, some of the jokes fell flat. However, with James Franco hosting, I really didn't give a shit.) He even changed it, not even asking if I wanted to keep watching! I didn't want to pick a fight, so I just went back to the computer while he watched a bad Hollywood action flick that I'd never even heard of.

After it was over, I came to my bed, and I turned away from him, as if I were going to sleep. He started rubbing my back. After awhile, he announced, "My turn!" so I played along. At this point, I was so annoyed that I almost suggested he sleep on the couch, but I didn't. We ended up having sex, but it wasn't that great. We didn't even kiss the entire time--how fucking perfunctory can sex be? He made a comment after, since I didn't get off, that it must have been just the anticipation of things before. Well, yes, but also, on Monday when you got here, I really liked you, when on Saturday, I was just about ready to kill you. And to top it off, he slept on the right side of the bed that night, which is my fucking side, thank you very much. But again, I didn't want to pick a fight, especially since it was his last night, so I just passed out.

Of course, I couldn't get rid of him fast enough the next day. I took him to the airport. He bought me lunch, which was nice. He hugged me goodbye (no kiss), and I made some remark about this being the last time we'd ever see each other. He commented that no, we'd see each other again. And I didn't say it, but I was thinking, "Yeah fucking right! Go to hell, you asshole." I was so relieved to leave him there, so glad to go home to my empty apartment. And that night, I watched two fantastic games, which he wouldn't have been up for, since he hates sports. I was so glad he left on Sunday instead of Monday like he'd originally planned. He hasn't talked to me since, BTW, not even to tell me he got there safely.

So this week when Will hit me up for online conversation, I was ready to rant like a motherfucker about Liam. And rant I did. It was really nice to get that off my chest, and Will deemed Liam "Douchebag of the Year." On Thursday, Will invited me over. And I came over, ready to fuck, even though I was a bit concerned that it might not be that good, since Will and I aren't in a romantic place at all. I was decked out in a brand-new black and purple bustier (which I'd actually bought with Liam in mind...yet I didn't get to wear it for him, because he was being such an asswipe), matching thong, and matching stockings. Will absolutely loves it when I dress up in that kind of getup. (We've talked about shopping for various slutty outfits, and I may be buying a slutty nurse outfit.) I always liked this, since most guys don't give a shit about a chick's sex clothes.

We pretty much went straight upstairs to bed. I felt so awkward. I mean shit, we hadn't fucked since Spring 2006. We kissed a little, and it was a little weird. I mean, Will was a good kisser then, and he's a good kisser now, but kissing is just more romantic than sexual for me. But I mean, we couldn't just go straight to the sex, so I guess it was necessary. And also, it was still light outside. I think it might have been a little less weird had it been dark inside his room, but well, it wasn't. So after a few minutes of kissing, I asked if he had a condom. He put it on, and I asked him if he was sure he wanted to do this. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to, but because I was concerned that it might be bad. When we dated, the sex with Will was fantastic. I wanted it every night, and I'd get annoyed if he didn't want to fuck. My sex drive is just through the fucking roof, which is the reason I was willing to try this arrangement, because I figured that if I wasn't into anyone, why not at least get laid in the meantime?

The sex was a little weird. It was quiet. I started on top, and I went for awhile (which is good, I can use the cardio). I was actually kind of glad I was still wearing the bustier, since it was light in the room...made me a little less self-conscious. I was actually on the brink for a lot of it, and then we switched to him on top. Okay, one more thing. I know guys are very visual, and Will kept his eyes open the entire time. But he looked bored out of his mind every time I opened my eyes. Anyway, so after a couple of minutes with him on top, I felt like I was going to come. (I hate the word 'cum,' so I'm not going to use it. It just looks so gross. Kind of like the word 'pussy.') I was surprised; I don't even always get off when I'm fucking someone I'm interested in, and I certainly hadn't expected it to happen the first time Will and I fucked again. But I came, and it was great, and Will loved it, immediately coming after I did.

Shit, who knew? I mean, it was always good back then, but I didn't even get off all the time back then. At any rate, I was pretty pleased. It was still weird, but fuck, I got off! I wonder if Will jacked it before I got there, because he had pretty good stamina. Then again, he always used to, and he is thirty-one after all. We actually hung out for a few hours after, watching more DVDs. It was actually less awkward than the sex, and I wonder if we might actually pull off the friends part of friends-with-benefits!

So I guess I'll keep fucking him. It's weird, but if I'm getting off, I shouldn't be bitching, should I? Alright, and I guess I should say this: there is absolutely no one I know who I can talk to about this. Why? Because, well, shit, I've already told people we're talking as friends, and they are stunned that I'm even tolerating him. When we dated, it ended badly, and I told people all the asshole things he did. When we dated, we dated for months, and he never once took me out on an actual date. He also never once drove to visit me at my apartment, and I was at his place every other night or more often. Back then, I lived about 45 minutes from his place, and gas wasn't what it is now, but it still wasn't cheap. And he has plenty of money, too, yet he was never really willing to spend any on me. So when I told people we were talking, they were shocked. And I've told them we're just friends. I think that's the way I need to keep it, because I don't think most of my friends have the same sex drive that I do, so I don't think they can really understand that I'm just fucking him because well, I'm just that damn horny.

And no, really, it's not more than that. He's still so immature, emotionally, even though he's fucking 31 now! So I don't have any delusions that we could fall into a relationship. I just don't even see him ever being emotionally mature enough to be in a romantic relationship. He's obviously been single for ages, if he's stooped to asking someone like ME for sex. And I'll admit, that makes me really happy in a power kind of way. It's like, damn, I must be good in bed. And you know, I can always use the practice and exercise. Who can't?

This was just this past week, so I guess I'll post updates on the sex and such as they come along. And now I'm watching SNL, all by myself, and I'm so glad I don't have someone telling me how unfunny it is, especially someone who likes Miss Congeniality Two.

beginning.

So, where to start? Basically, I got this blog because I had some things going on in my life that I realized I did not want to share with any of my friends. Things I was doing that I didn't feel others would understand. I share just about everything with my best friend Lynn, but I felt that I couldn't even tell her this kind of stuff. She has a lot going on right now in her life anyway. Caveat: this blog will definitely contain sexually-explicit material, so if that isn't your bag, well, you'd better stop reading.

I think I'll start with a cast of the characters I plan to talk about in this blog:

Will - A coworker I used to date. Basically, we dated for a few months in early 2006. We were in the same place when it came to things like financial responsibility, but he wasn't really wanting to be emotionally close. The sex was great, though, and it was a big reason I didn't end things sooner. Our breakup was bad, and it was unpleasant seeing him at work afterwards. Recently we've been talking again, and my "relationship" with him is the main reason that I am starting this blog.

Liam - A guy I met this year. He lives in another state, but he's kind of a nomad. He may get a little mention at the beginning but probably not much later. I really liked him, or at least the person I thought he was, but then I realized we didn't know each other well enough, and while we had one major interest in common, we didn't really have much else. He also seemed like he wasn't really interested in things I considered important, if he didn't consider them important as well. I'm not sure if he'll reappear in my life...maybe if he's ever in town when I haven't gotten laid in a really long time. He's really good in bed (big dick too), especially with oral, though he's not a good kisser.

Mike - A guy I date very infrequently. He's a guy who I think will never be ready for a relationship, because he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend. He doesn't like to plan things, and he's shocked when I'm always busy, because I have planned something. I think he's "just not that into me"...which works, because I'm just not that into him either. Honestly, after the bizarre moments we've shared, I'm surprised he and I still talk. Oh, and one other thing, I've gotten a look at the "goods" (and I use that term loosely), and he has one of the smallest dicks I've ever seen. Like, so small that I wonder if I'd even feel it. But he's a really good kisser, and he has a really hot body, so I tend to try to hang out with him when I'm on my period, so that I have an excuse not to have sex.

Aaron - A guy I really liked but just couldn't make it work with. We just didn't want the same things in life, and the timing never was quite right. We had a fantastic dynamic going on when we were dating (on/off from about 2000-2005), and I felt like I was in a happy marriage for the most part when I was with him (or at least what I imagine a happy marriage to be like), even though our "relationship" never really had a title. I felt like I could really be myself around him. While I still don't think that we could work, I still miss our interaction. He has another girlfriend right now that he's been with for over a year, so I doubt I'll be talking about him too much, but I figured I'd include him just in case I mentioned him in a backstory or something. Also, because well, I just can't imagine writing a cast of characters list of the guys in my life without including him.

Mark - A guy I met in late 2006. I liked him initially, but then as our friendship developed, I decided that we were much better as friends. He lives in another state, but when we see each other (a few times a year), we sleep together. It's not the best sex ever, but it's really fun and relaxed, and since he is much less experienced than I am, I don't feel the pressure to "perform" like I do with many other guys. He's a bad kisser, but we don't kiss much, since our sex isn't romantic, so I don't feel the need to try to train him (I hate training anyway). And I actually think we can still be just as close as friends even though we are involved sexually. We are huge geeks, and we talk online almost every day, often for hours on end. I consider him one of my best friends right now. Sidenote: I met Mark through Aaron, and they are friendly acquaintances. However, I don't talk to Aaron much anymore, so he likely does not know the extent to which I'm involved with Mark.

I may add to this list of characters later, as guys appear in my life.