Costume Shopping

So I told you that Will liked the outfits, right? Yesterday he convinced me to purchase a slutty nurse outfit. Since it's close to halloween, there are a whole lot of online stores doing sales and such, so I got one at a decent price. Vinyl--wow! I do not currently own any vinyl...well, now I do, I suppose. I bought the matching stockings too. He wanted some huge stripper shoes too, but things were getting a bit pricey...so get this! He actually bought the shoes for me! They're being shipped to my house as a type this!

Should I mention that he didn't even take me out when we actually dated years ago? We just always hung out at his house. He never bought me anything then, not even flowers or candy, and he had the money. Yet he is willing to buy some 6" stilettos for me when we're just sleeping together? I was putting out more often back then! And cleaning his house! I don't get it. I'm still definitely not getting emotionally invested, but this is something I could get used to!

I'm not initiating anything with him. I'm not calling, I'm not IMing, I'm not coming over...I'm letting him do it all. If he wants me to come over, then he has to ask me, but he seems perfectly okay with this. He IMed me today, making small talk about work. The hilarious thing is that I actually saw him at work today, twice. But I don't talk to him at work. Nobody knows. Oh, but I did come clean to one of my good online friends, Ed. And I even told Will that I had this blog, which he was really pissed off about, until I told him that nobody reads it. He never did like it when I wrote anything about our relationship online before...good thing he doesn't know about my main journal! Anyway, it was really good to talk to Ed about it. I knew he'd understand. It was good to talk to anyone about it...yet I still also like keeping it a secret.

Mike and I had an argument. He wanted to come over today, last-minute of course, and I said maybe but then no. I can't help it. I just need to know at least a day in advance to get in the right mindset. During the week, when I get home from work, I just kind of unconsciously shut down, unless I know I have something I need to get done. Even Will has been asking to hang out at least the day before. One last time he didn't, but it was on the weekend, so it didn't matter. I guess it didn't bother me because he doesn't normally do it, but it does bother me when Mike does it, because he does that all the time. His defense? I hung out with him once without plans the day before, so he thought I'd stopped caring about that. I apologized, as I guess it was a bit misleading, but that's just not a standard I'm ready to let go.

I haven't actually seen Mike since I started this blog. I don't really want to see him, if I can just see Will. Will lives a lot closer, and with him, I get good sex. They're both good kissers, but I don't really care about either of them romantically anymore...they're both pretty attractive, though Will is taller. So well, I guess I shouldn't be even hinting that I could hang out with Mike. I don't think it's going to be an issue now, since he's pretty pissed that I told him I'd rather he didn't come over. He even caught me online writing this and got mad, because he said he could have been gone by now, and I was still up anyway. But it's just not the same.

I just caught a glimpse of my friend George's online status: "wonders why he is always Cameron and never Ferris." Okay, I can't help but think this might be about me. He invited me out on Saturday night, and we went to a couple of bars. I have never hit on him, because I could never date him--he's quite a bit older than me. He smokes too, and I hate that (Will and Mike are actually both non-smokers). We came back to his place afterwards, and I definitely was not okay to drive home. I shouldn't have let him buy all of those drinks. It's just hard when he offers, especially since I know he makes way more than I do. (And for the record, the last time he bought all of my drinks, I made sure to buy his when we hung out the next time after that.) Anyway, we decided to see what was on TV, and yes, you guessed it, it was Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I woke up the next morning hungover as all hell, and then I pretty much bolted. What? I would have likely hung out with him, except that I didn't want him to witness my hangover. But would it have really mattered? Oh man, I hope he doesn't have feelings for me. He's so nice, but he's really just not the guy for me. I really hope that Cameron/Ferris comment is about some other woman in his life...Oh! But I do remember that I told him I was seeing someone (meaning Will), so at least there's that...